Hola amigos...
As I type this, I am sat at my desk in my little poorly lit room staring out over the fantastic fields that back onto my garden. Unfortunately I am in full revision mode at the moment, getting ready for my AS level exams which are soon to start in May, and so I am having to spend my time slaving away on chemistry past exam papers and the likes when I would much rather be on the beach. Having said that, I must admit that the wind is still a little bit nippy outside at this time of year and so I can hardly say that I could be found swimming in the sea. Those people who I see already in the water at this time of year are clearly out of their heads! - I have been down to the shoreline to get a taste for the temperature and it is sure as anything not swimming weather. It is basically freezing and I know that if I went in for a dip I would probably die of not only hypothermia, but also the shame of having made such a stupid decision.
One thing that managed to brighten up my studious Easter holiday was the discovery that they were selling packets of Double-Stuff Oreos in Tesco at half price. at only 69pence per packet it was a bargain by anyone's standards - so naturally I bought 8 packets. However, a wonderful find soon turned into a disastrous nightmare when I thought it would be a good idea to scoff all of them over the next couple of days. Granted, the filling in the middle is a wonderful sensation on the tongue that is surely a gift from God, but I don't particularly care for the actual biscuit part of the oreo and ironically that would be my cruel downfall.
It turns out that actually the biscuits are pretty hard and could even be described as fairly sharp. Therefore a few packets later the experience became nothing more than a painful and exhaustive slog which left me with nothing but a sore mouth for the next few days. Unfortunately the devilishly creamy fillings kept me going for more; and that fiery pain only became more intense and merciless. Next time I see an oreo I will explode - it is as simple as that. This event shall hereafter be known as The Great Suffering Of 2015.
In my next life I won't be surprised if I am a badger. I have done the math and worked out that it is the more likely of a few possible options. I don't feel like this will be a punishment particularly, as badgers are some pretty cool animals and pretty inspirational if you ask me. Maybe I have been judged to have been good in this life and so the badger life is to be my reward. Though, I cannot say that I am thrilled about this - maybe if I had worked a bit harder to be a good person earlier on in my life I would have made the promotion to duck in the next life! Though I mustn't grumble and I suppose it can be something to work towards in future lives.
not too bad, i must say |
Perhaps in my next life I will be a sort of Joan of Arc for the badgers and lead in the fight against the badger culls in Somerset, sacrificing myself at the hands of the enemy and becoming a badger martyr. On such a career trajectory I envisage statues being erected in my honour and being made a badger Saint. Surely if I follow this plan I will looked down upon kindly and will someday make the duck life!
Anyway, that turned out to be quite a weird tangent, and I think its best to leave it at that and never speak of it again. Obviously because its exam season I probably wont be blogging as frequently as I originally started out doing, but I will surely be back in good time.
Dan